The Working Mother

I have been back to work now for a little over two weeks and it has been interesting. I miss Peyton like crazy and I will never feel different about that. My priorities have completely changed and she is my whole world. This is the natural course that all mothers should take.....even if they work full time. I am not saying that you should not be responsible about your job duties or that your job is no longer important. BUT that in your job you are replaceable, no one can replace you as a mother. Your job may be very fulfilling, but it will never compare to holding your baby. We had an event the other day at work that I was not required to stay at and the next day everyone was talking about how wonderful it was and how everyone that was not there missed out. I could only think to myself that no astronaut speech could compare to my precious baby and her little toothless smile. I have always thought that women can do it all and I still believe it, but more importantly...do we really want to do it all? I have worked for almost 15 years and I have been a parent for 9 weeks. 9 weeks.....the most rewarding 9 weeks of my life. Not all women are meant to be moms. I know a few people that would be horrible. I feel so grateful to be one of the people that are able to experience this. I am so grateful that life is more than just work, cleaning, paying bills, etc. I am so grateful to love someone so much that I would sacrifice everything for them without even a second thought. I am so grateful that I have a legacy.

Two month check up

Today Peyton had her two month check up.  I can't believe she is already two months old.  The Dr. said that she was doing very well and that she was advancing quickly....we knew she was brilliant and it is good to have someone second the opinion...hehe.  She also said she is one of the prettiest babies that she sees at her clinic and that she has amazing hair....we of course agree with her.  They had to give her some shots and that did not make her very happy, but she was much better than the screaming baby in the room next door.  She weighs 11 pounds 7 ounces now and is 23 inches long which is all perfect for her age.  So basically she is brilliant, beautiful, and one tough cookie.....we are so proud.

James and I got our H1N1 shots today because she is not old enough to get it yet.  I feel very lucky that we were able to get it because not very many places have it yet and they are only giving it to certain people.  We are getting our regular flu shots on the 15th.  I am hoping that we can make it through this flu season without her getting sick. 

We bought some stuff called Colic Calm because at about 8 pm every night she decides it time to be restless and she can keep it up all night.  Last night she was fussy all night until about 6 a.m. I am going to use it tonight and I really hope it works because going to bed at 6 am does not work when you have to be to work at 8 am.  I am so tired....I hope this gets better. 

.....oh and James too

I have been so obsessed with Peyton lately that I feel like I hardly even see James anymore. Before she was born, I assumed that we would both be equally involved in taking care of her. That was definitely naive. I, and I am sure moms universally have a lot more childcare duties than dads. God intended it that way and gave us woman some special skills that dads just don't have. Here is a list of some of those things....

• Waking up in the night when you hear your baby. I wake up for basically every sound she makes. I get up three+ times a night to feed her and change her and pump milk.....James sleeps through all of this.
• Patience. If she has been crying for over three hours I begin to feel impatient......for James it is anything over three minutes.
• Bodily functions. I am in charge of her hygiene, diet, and disposal.....and all of the not so pretty stuff that come with having a baby.
• Caution. I have to double and triple check everything....her car seat...her breathing....her little scratches and random marks.
• Selflessness. I just don't care about anything as much as I care about her. I would give up everything for her. If I have a dollar to spend...it is on her.

Don't think that I am trying to short change James in anyway. He has certain skills that I don't have also.

• He can make her fall asleep. He holds her tight and warm...and she loves it.
• He helps her with her advancements. He talks to her and sings to her and plays with her.
• He works for her. He has been going to work everyday since she was 10 days old to provide for her.
• He loves her. She is his whole world and he tells her all of the time.

So my point to this is that children really do need a mom and a dad. Peyton is very blessed to have both of us.

And....I know James may feel a little unloved right now because he is not #1 anymore, but I really do love him so much and I am so grateful for him and he is an amazing daddy and I am so happy that he is my husband and that we are able to go on this journey together.

I miss my baby

Going back to work this week has been so hard. Everyone told me that the first day or two would be bad, but then it would start to get better. I feel just the opposite...it is just getting worse. I miss her so much all day. She is all I can think about and the stuff that used to seem important just doesn't even matter anymore. I wish I was a stay at home mom....not until the end of time....but at least until she is in school.
On top of missing her like crazy, I am so worried that she will get sick or hurt. One of the people I work with called in sick with the flu yesterday and since then I have been so worried that I would get sick and pass it on to her. I am doing everything I can to keep some distance from her which is basically impossible when you have to feed her, change her, bath her, etc. I have never washed my hands more and I have given up kissing her for awhile... :( I wish we could quarantine ourselves until the flu season is over and she is a little bigger. She is my whole world.
We did have some good news last night....she pooped a little on her own. I know it may not seem like much, but to a mom who is always assisting her, it is a big step. I hope that soon she will be able to do it all on her own.

Milestones

I can't believe she is already almost 2 months old. Where did the time go. At first she would sleep for 20 hours a day and now we can only get her to nap for an hour or two, but at least she is sleeping through most of the night. She is so alert and is starting to really recognize her environment. She is just so dang cute. Last night we put her in her swing and she was totally obsessed with the mobile...she couldn't take her eyes off of it. She is also very interested in he own reflection and makes faces at herself which is absolutely adorable. She grasped a toy last night....yeah progress....she kept hitting herself in the head with it...hehe. She will get the hang of it soon. She is also getting very good at controlling her head. We are so proud.